Helping Close-Minded People
Close-minded people can be difficult to deal with. Especially when they feel the need to be right. It happens whenever a person mixes a simple opinion about life with their self identity. It’s not just an opinion anymore. It’s who they are and needs to be defended. Being “right” sustains them. No matter how ridiculous. If want to help, you need to put your guns down.
The real challenge is learning to stay open-minded and comfortable around close-mindedness. For most of us, we turn into them. We become defensive and close-minded ourselves. This is the trap of the ego. Egos love a good fight. When one ego starts barking, they all do. If you find yourself getting sucked in to it, take responsibility and apologize for your defensiveness. Always check your motives. If you’re just wanting to win the argument, to be “right” and make them wrong, then you’re already wrong. Just another close-minded sucker. If you really want to help them, here’s what you can try.
Show Respect
Accept the person as is. Allow them to control their freewill. They have every right to be this way. Attacking them (even with helpful intentions) only keeps the cycle of attack/defense in place. Humility teaches that we could be wrong anyway. We are all ignorant, separated only by degree. We all need to grow. If you care about someone, stop resisting who they think they are. First, let them be it.Listen and Learn
The person looks at the situation (the content) through an overall context. Which is usually unstated and quite limiting. See if you can figure out what it is. Be comfortable and allow them to explain why they feel this way. What assumptions are made for this idea to be true? In their minds, they are right. They are choosing their highest perceived good.Leading with Questions
Ask them the right question in a non-resistant way and you’ll shift their context entirely. Questions work better than statements. Asking a question allows them to come to the answer in their mind through a simple aha. Making an argument removes this. The aha is worked out in your mind. For them to change, let them work it out in their own mind with non-abrasive questions.Apply a Higher Principle
Apply a higher principle like love, compassion, forgiveness, patience, and so forth. These principles embrace our human limitation rather than deny it. It takes the sting out of arguments and opinions by recognizing the truth of the situation (susceptibility to being wrong). It also opens the door for growth.Use Humor
At times, you can try being light-hearted. It’s hard for someone to be locked in their mind boxes when you are smiling, cracking jokes and full of good will. This isn’t a denial of the problem. It helps us heal. The mind is preoccupied with defending illusions. By looking at the “seriousness” with humor, you face limitation with honesty and can then summon the means to transcend it.
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