Conscious Growth.com

April 10th, 2008

A relationship is like an emotional bank account. You put money in or you take money out. It happens every time you interact with someone. A deposit creates positive feelings in the relationship. A withdrawal puts strain on it. The balance (deposits + withdrawals) shows the relationship’s level of trust.

An emotional deposit is a perceived act of love. To put money in, you must know what type of deposit this relationship accepts. What appears to be a deposit to you may not be for someone else. For example, you may want encouragement while your boss wants cooperative action. It’s not right or wrong. It’s perception. To increase trust, both of you must identify the type and deposit accordingly.

Types of Emotional Deposits

There are five main types of emotional deposits in Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. He applies these deposits to marriages, but they are necessary for every relationship:

Words of Affirmation - These are words of encouragement. Telling someone you appreciate them, you enjoyed their company, you love them, and so on. It is writing little notes and letters, sending emails and text messages, or leaving voice mails.

Quality Time - Quality time is not just being in the same room with somebody. You give the person your attention. This means listening when they speak, engaging them in the moment, and enjoying whatever you do with each other.

Gifts - A gift is something physical. It doesn’t have to be something expensive (you buy them a coffee or a Christma card). It is offered at birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, on sick days or whenever.

Acts of Service - Acts of service (my personal favorite) is when a someone acts to express love. It could be running an errand, following through on a commitment, or helping out in some way.

Physical Touch - Physical touch shows affection through a hand shake, a hug and a kiss, etc. In a more intimate relationship, this includes sexual needs and desires.

Interacting

Most people don’t fit into one category. I don’t. You probably won’t either. Why? Because different relationships ask for different deposits. From your boss, you may want encouragement. He wants acts of service. Your wife may desire quality time. You may want acts of service and physical touch. It all depends on the situation and the relationship.

Often times, withdrawals come from poor expectations. We assume the person should know how to treat us without actually telling them. This ambiguity creates a gap that many relationships fall through. To increase the level of trust, have the courage to communicate openly and honestly.

If you found this article helpful, please share it so that reaches more people. Thanks again for reading!